he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
