What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
