Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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