It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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