Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
