fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So much rum. So many feels.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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