Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
