we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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