The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
