he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
