It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
