went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
