Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
