if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
