so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
