he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
