I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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