I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
