So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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