Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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