Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
