I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
