Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
