Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
