last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
