I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
