Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
