she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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