Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
