This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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