I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
