Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
