who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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