i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
