What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
