So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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