My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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