their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
