Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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