I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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