OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
