i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
ttyl tear gas
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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