pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
