to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
