exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
