My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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