this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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