Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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