kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
