You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
pray to the hookup gods
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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