peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
