My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
